True or False?

There’s a blur that crosses between the two; reality and fantasy. Sure, we may call Jersey Shore a reality T.V show, but I think most would agree to otherwise. And then there’s the news that chooses to be selective by eliminating minor but nonetheless, true details. So does leaving out some of the truth mean it is the truth? I’d say it’s fake. Think about exaggerated stories; Even though most people have the notion that the story is not entirely the way the other person had made it out to be, they seem to justify the story as telling the truth by “deep down” knowing it really isn’t. I mean, who hasn’t heard the drunk stories? These always tend to be exaggerated, because the person wants to leave you bewildered and respond by some kind of approval like saying... “That’s crazy!”. Too bad in reality, the person that’s listening doesn’t give two shits about what happened unless it’s a leeway for them to talk about their own experiences. The person knows that the story is exaggerated, but faking interest doesn’t make it any more true.

The first thing that crosses my mind, when I think of truth, is friendship. Would you want your friends to be fake to you? Of course not, it defeats the ideals of friendship. Friendship is about people who are genuine and people whom you can rely on. So what happens if the truth is, your friend is being a not-so-great friend? That is when I would like to turn to the fake world and strongly believe that this person will change, when realistically speaking, people rarely do change. I told my friend this and she asked me “So doesn’t that mean you’re setting yourself up for failure?”.

Everybody relies on the fake world to hold on to the belief that everything is going to be okay, and you will get that happily ever after. Why else do we follow soap operas, and dramas? Why do we try to make them relative to our lives? Because they are our way of escaping from reality for a brief moment, and that’s what gets us by. So you’re content with things, and making things bearable by holding unto a lie. People always say “Whatever makes you happy”, does the same rule apply?

You can’t have either or- and the thing is, reality and fantasy becomes harder and harder to distinguish because our world is full of possibilities. Reality is built on what we know to be the truth. But sometimes things we envision, we dream of,; or fantasize of things that hasn’t yet made existence, later becomes a reality. Whoever thought it would be possible to invent the light bulb before Thomas Edison’s time? We need some sort of falsity so that we don’t limit ourselves to what is reality for the time being.

No Regrets

Absolutely no regrets... none whatsoever?

After all is said and done, in the end of a messy situation, people always say that they had no regrets. Sure, at the time they might have said “this is the worst day of my life”, or my favorite, “Why me??”, but when they manage to move past the “worst”, it becomes easier to say “Had this not happened, I wouldn’t be the stronger person I am today”. I’m trying to decide whether this cliche is worth stating after you’ve hit a miserable episode. I would much rather avoid the situation overall, than having to say this. Everyone would argue that making mistakes is how you learn, but what about preventing the mistake and seeing how no problem unfolds... couldn’t we learn just as much? I admire people who are able to move on from their problems and see it as a lesson learned. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if anyone truly feels otherwise? Just thinking about past problems I have ever encountered, makes my gut reminisce the same feelings. The only reason why I am still standing is because I choose to forget. The fact that I had learned from my mistakes doesn’t take away guilt trips I have felt before. So what’s more painful? The actual moment where you are facing the issue-and that's it, or is there the aftermath, when you have to cover up your mistake with the belief that you had no regrets?

You're Reading Me Wrong

Don’t read the title and assume that I am some whiny girl that thinks she is being misunderstood by the world. I just figured since people are constantly trying to prove themselves as something, I might at as well do so, by writing about me being a nothing. I have always said that I dread the day when someone says they know me like they have me all figured out, because it limits my personality. I don’t want to be confined into a single character that can be measured against the cast of Sex and the City or Friends. The last thing I need is for my job, religion, race, or even the clothes I wear, to be part of my identity. But it can’t be helped right? I mean even application forms, quiz you on your gender, whether you’re an immigrant, if you’re single or married, and they think they have the gist of things.

Not to say that I have never said the words “I know you”, but when I do say this, it means I know them as my friend- I can’t predict what clothes would be their first choice, or what kind of genre of music they prefer, nor could I set them up with someone whom I think would be compatible for them. So does that mean I don’t know them?

I was told by a professor that when you meet someone that can only perceive the world in two ways, you should run the opposite direction as fast as you can. I tried to apply this advice to my life- I think if I have ever run into these kinds of people before. And then I remembered the question that is almost inevitable when you are past the first stage of being introduced to someone. The most annoying question that is nearly always asked, “Are you religious?”.

What does that even mean? I always find myself in a rut when they ask this question because I know they are expectant of a straight answer- yes or no. But I refuse to give it to them. Had someone given me the time to answer this question I would respond by...

I hate the term religious. People that call other people religious sometimes like to imply that they are bible hugging people, who has a stick up their ass because their views are so extreme and almost cultic like. Religious people will be the first to rub it in your face that you’re damned because you swear in vain, you've had sex before marriage, you’ve lied, or cheated, and you’re gay. This is why the person has asked you if you’re religious- is it not? To try and figure out if they’re making friends with a person who will do whatever it takes to convert them into their holy pact. Well in that case, I am not religious.

I am a christian because it’s easier to have hope in something than to have hope in nothing at all. In this case, you can call me religious. Does it matter that Jesus existed as a real life person to me? Not really... But I won't go out of my way to oppose preachings of love and peace, just because Jesus may or may not have existed, and religion may be one big conspiracy. I do think that putting a label on christianity, catholicism, and muslim should be blamed for screwing over the world. I do not think having sex before marriage is immoral, but it would make sense to lose my virginity to someone I love. That doesn’t mean that I have to be married to them, but maybe it would be a lot safer to do so, assuming that you marry someone to confirm you love them. Then again, most marriages end in divorce, so it depends on how committed you are to the ideals of marriage. Then I have to wonder, how much can I believe in a constitution that mostly fails? Do you see what I’m saying? And so the bible says that it’s not okay to be homosexual... but what I choose to understand is that the bible says to love everybody. We can round in circles and try to decipher whether I am religious and I still would not be able to give a straight answer. Ask me a more specific question and maybe then I could narrow it down for you.

If it’s not trying to set me apart by my religion, people are always trying to weed you out as the type they expect you to be. This happens all the time... you choose something in particular, or you do something that is slightly off course from what you are normally seen to be doing and then they say this “Oh, I had no idea you were into that type of ____” or.. “Since when did you start _____” - and this pisses the heck out of me. Something that is slightly out of the ordinary and suddenly you're a stranger to them.

Excuse me for appreciating generic music, and the classic. People act as if listening to Britney Spears, and Il Divo is a crime; that you are just being pretentious, which translates to you have no idea of who you are. That is why you will find people who make it a point to listen to either or. There are times where I would like to do something athletic, but I can’t bear the thought of even trying because someone is bound to mock me for my lack of sportsmanship. Sometimes saying “I feel like doing it” doesn’t register to people that that’s exactly what I mean. I once really wanted to buy color contact lenses. I told my friend this and she said “Why do you want color contact lenses all of a sudden now? Lauren always goes through strange phases.” So now feeling the want to have color contact lenses has become a phase. Try anything new and you're temporarily something you weren't before.

I have come to the conclusion that there are people who avoid at all cost to be judged, as anything at all, and then there are others who have become complacent to the fact that no matter what, they will be judged. So they try to have as much control over how they are being judged. I am almost positive you have met these people who subtly, ALWAYS try to put a word in edgewise to prove themselves as something or another. Every conversation it’s like their in dire need to stress their character, when no one really asked. This is how a conversation with this person goes like:

“Hey, nice outfit!”

“Oh, thanks. Yah, I can’t go anywhere without my heels and my hobo bag. I’m just the Starbucks kind of girl you’ll always see walking downtown.”

And so you think to yourself, Hey, I know this girl. She’s that reality tv girl that stars in the Hills, or Laguna Beach. She comes pretty close at least, and that’s what she wants to hear. I’m guessing she would like to be looked at as the city type, loves the energy of the city, and moves with the busy streets- the "it" girl. Or how about the person that always makes it a point to bring up their their work ethic. I’ve hated it in elementary school when a kid started balling because he or she had just received an A-. It's like their boasting, but their not. I have always felt this completely unnecessary as I can’t see why it would hurt their feelings. The reason why their crying is because their desperate to show others that this doesn’t normally happen to them, and that they really are smart. I guess if they hadn’t cried, I wouldn’t think them to be as smart as I probably did back then. But this lead to other judgements like, why is this kid such a wuss?

And there I go judging these people. But to their credit, they have at least had some input as to who they are, whereas I haven’t done anything but allow for people to make their own judgments and shape me into whatever. I have no idea who I am, so I don’t expect anyone else to know either-but apparently they do.